I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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