I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
