Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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