How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
