If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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