What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
