okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
