Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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