I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
