I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
