my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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