2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
