she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
