Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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