The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
