my vag is so smooth its legendary
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
