So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
