he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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