i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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