You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
