This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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