someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
