dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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