he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
