Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
