did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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