Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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