Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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