you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is Oprah even human
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
