From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
