i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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