Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
