is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
