So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
