Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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