Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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