dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
