I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
