nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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