Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
