1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
