That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
