i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
