is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
