I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
