You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have fence marks all over my body
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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