Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
