You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
