Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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