Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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