Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
