This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
