i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
