Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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